Don"t mind me, I"m just mad

Today was a tiring day. Actually, Jan was a tiring month. It’s the start of my Sec 4 year which means O levels which means woo hoo, imma study hard and have no life.

#YOLO

That’s why I’m studying. To get a good grade. And actually achieve what I want.

Dear school,

Hey bitch, guess what, I’m gonna surpass your fuckass expectations and actually make you proud of me. How about that? I’ll make sure to leave your gates scoring distinctions galore. Fuck yeah.

Sincerely
A mad student who’s gone insane under severe pressure.

This is Jung Daehyun. Idk why but I just like to draw him… Even though he isn’t my bias lol. But still… I messed up BIG TIME. I can’t seem to draw it when people tilt their heads UGHHHH *frustrated*

Jung Daehyun

Okay I am nyctophobic and yeah I can’t stand the dark. I know how it started and I know it’s because I was abused as a child and locked in a dark room by my step-grandfather. I developed that phobia and now I can’t stay in a dark room alone without crying and having panic attacks.

I kinda wanted to tell my friends (I did when I was in primary school) but they used it against me. Like, they found out when I went to the toilet alone one night and suddenly all the lights went off. I stayed in the toilet for like the whole night and was so petrified I couldn’t sleep. So yeah… they found out. And the next day, those little brats locked me insidep the dorm with the lights off and the switch was outside. So yeah, I fainted so I couldn’t exactly remember anything.

I didn’t tell anyone in my secondary school though… much out of shame I guess but just earlier this year, I went for Outward Bound School (a camp) and this time, we had to sleep in tents. I hung a torchlight or a glowstick on the top of the tent. My tentmates stared at me weirdly but they didn’t say anything. All was well until one night, we were really deep in the forest, I got an asthma attack. So I woke my tentmates up and they suggested coming with me to look for the instructor. I was so grateful.. they could’ve just slept on cos we didn’t get to have many sleep hours but they went with me all the way back to the campsite.

Forever grateful towards them. But yeah, this phobia has become a hindrance to me. I know I’m going off to somewhere for college and I’d probably have to live alone (if not with a roomie) so I’m really hoping this would cure I’m like, uber scared of the dark… like really… sigh I guess this concludes my post.

Ok honestly like, really honestly… I disliked All’s Fair so please DO NOT make me do a sequel ok? I know someone wants to do it for me and I thank her from the bottom of my heart because she took the whole burden off my shoulders. But yeah, that story wasn’t exactly my cup of tea and seeing as how I hated the plot and wanted to end it, it got crap. Compare it to heartless.. The grammar’s much better, minimal spelling mistakes but yet, everyone still preferred heartless. Why? Because I put my heart and soul into it. I liked it. Simple as that.

And now regarding the angst.. Truthfully I had no idea it would be this angsty. Note I tagged it ROMANCE and I thought it would stay that way… I guess angst is a part of me now.. Yeah I love writing angst and I think that’s the genre I feel most comfortable writing. Remember My Baby? Yeah that was cute. But that’s it. It was cute but not overly fluffy to the extent where it makes you puke rainbows. That’s the best I can do and I’m actually proud of that story cos it was the HARDEST to write. Get this, I hate writing plotless fluff without any characters suffering from emotional trauma… And the thing is, it gets the most recognition even though it’s only 3 chapters. And I’m not even kidding. Whatever though, sorry for All’s Fair. You should know I hate it more than you do. Peace.

When life is a waterfall
When the rapid is too fast
When you can’t stay on the boat
When you’re about to jump

When the end is coming
When you reach the limits
When you’ve done your best
When you’ve nothing left to give

When you embrace the fall
When you’re worn out and exhausted
When you know you’re done
When the world just falls beneath you

When you find it’s your dream
When you find it’s your choice
When you find it’s not the end
When you find another route

When you find a small hope
When you find your heart beating
When it’s beating out of passion
When both worlds merge into one

When it’s not the end
When the start has only begun
When you cry tears of happiness
When life is a waterfall

Hidden behind that strong facade
Is a small weakling
Buried deep within it’s own shell
Unable to face the world

What brings it out
Only the tiniest word
Uttered from the lips of a closest friend
Shall they see what lies within

The shell is soundproof
You cannot hear the soft cries
The shell is beautiful
You cannot see the ugly torture within

Yet this creature still lives
Fueled by the burning passion
From a heart of solid ice
Weak and stabbed numerous times

What ails it you might ask
Sometimes you just need to put up a wall
Not to keep people out
But to see who cares enough to break it down

Yet that weak soul
Driven by it’s own lost dreams
Need not suffer the burdensome pressure
That comes with a misunderstood understanding

How can I live
In this world where competition
Is everything but scarce
And nothing but an obstacle

How can I survive
When my all is not enough
And my best still makes you frown
Bursting my small little pride

How can I dream
When my life is planned out
And I just follow like a puppet
Doing whatever you want

How can I love
When it is taken away from me
By those much better
Smarter and stronger